Sitting alone, thoughts filled with pain. Telling myself to never love again, for love is like a drug; it makes you high, it makes you feel like you could conquer the world. The best feeling on earth, yet when that high dissipates, you come crashing down left alone with only broken pieces.
You’re the best mother I could ask for. If I died, I’d want you to be my mother again, even if you came in a different body.
If I died, and I was an animal, I’d ask God to put you in the same enclosure as me.
If I died, I’d find you in every lifetime….I’d follow you in every lifetime.
One minute I’m high in the clouds, the next I’m crashing down on the ground….
You tell me that our time apart have made you realize my worth, that I’m not alone anymore, because I have you now. You tell me that you appreciate all that I gave you; you tell me that you see me now.
You tell me all the things I want to hear, things I hoped you said before; that you’re ready, that you want the same things I do, but deep inside I feel different, because one moment I’m filled with hopes of us and the next all comes crashing down.
You’re settle actions push me away and drive me to want to be in another men’s arms; to seek elsewhere what I want in you, yet can’t find. Why do I hold on? Why do I allow myself into this game of Russian roulette?
I can’t bare the pain and disappointment. I feel lost and confused. Your words breathe false hopes into my soul, they keep me hoping, seeking…I find myself empty each time and trapped by your lies. Your “I love you’s” have grown to have no meaning, no essence.
Part of me love and want to believe all that I know are lies, so I hold on. But I’m tired, I’m tired of feeling alone when I’m wit you. I want to walk away more than I want to stay; my soul can’t bare another round of disappointment, of heartache even though I love your lies.
I find myself yearning for what seems to be impossible. Searching with no answers, I seek and want to give what others walk away from; love in empty places.
I’m tired of games, having to feel unappreciated, not valued, unseen. Pouring into cups filled with holes. I’m tired of feeling that I have to protect my heart, not having the love I give be reciprocated.
I’m tired of looking for love in empty places, places that are cold, selfish, insecure. Places that only want to take and give nothing in return, places that leave you feeling empty, alone and filled with pain.
Why must love be so difficult, confusing and painful? My must it leave you yearning rather than fulfilled? Why must it push you into an abyss of sorrows? I’m tired of finding love in empty places.
I don’t want to be alone anymore, yet I’m tired of fruitless love; love that is selfish, love that does not seek to build, desire a partnership, stability, commitment, support, or create strong roots, but instead seeks to only cause pain and be one sided.
I don’t want to be alone anymore, yet I’m tired of fruitless love; love that is selfish, love that does not seek to build, desire a partnership, commitment, support, create strong roots, but instead seeks to only cause pain and be one sided.
Perhaps things are delayed, because we’re asking for a pool when what awaits us is an ocean.
I want to swim through the sea of forgetfulness and remember who I am.
Often times our pain brakes us to the point where we are unable to give our best to those we love, despite our good intentions.
Our unhealed pain can either offer encouragements or destruction. So many of us come from brokenness and pass that brokenness along generations after generation.
Some come from broken wombs, unhealed wombs whose fruits are scrutinized from birth due to the uncertainty of what the outcome will be since the odds are already laid against them. Fortunately, some fruits are not not rotten, some although not as ripe, have great potential; some broken wombs birth wholesome fruits.